“Relate and (my counsellor) have been a lifeline for me on my journey towards better mental health. (My counsellor’s) compassionate guidance and unwavering support have helped me navigate through tough times, allowing me to emerge stronger and more resilient.
Thanks to Relate’s counselling services, I’m feeling happier, healthier, and more confident in facing life’s challenges.”
If you would like to talk to us about whether we can help you on your relationship or personal journey, please contact us by phone, email or via our website contact form.
Reigate office: 01737 245212 admin@relatemidandeastsurrey.co.uk
Epsom office: 01372 722976 epsomadmin@relatemidandeastsurrey.co.uk
Bursaries and financial assistance available. You may also qualify for reduced or free session via one of our partnerships
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If you are sitting exams this summer, we know that by now you are probably feeling pretty exhausted with it all but just when everyone else is heading off onto a half-term break, you are still facing revision, maybe even extra structured learning.
When we asked our young people’s counsellors about this time, they were keen to say…
Firstly, well done!! You have got this far and that is amazing. We are well into exam season so congratulate yourself on the work you’ve already done.
Secondly, we understand that educators and students like to keep up the pace of revision but remember also to build in some rest breaks for your body to reset.
Find activities that absorb your attention such as mindfulness apps, sport or creative/art can help reduce stress levels.
Timetabling revision might help you achieve all of these things. The nagging thought in our mind of ‘I should be revising’ can be quietened by setting aside specific times when the revision will happen and therefore creating times when it’s ok to do other things.
Finally, we all at RMES want to wish you well in your exams and to say – you’ve got this!
Ben is running next month’s London Marathon on the 27 April and we are delighted that he has chosen to raise money for Relate Mid East Surrey.
Help support Ben: Go direct to Ben’s page
Ben was moved to choose our charity from his own life experience and explains,
“Whilst the charity is well known for its work with couples, nowadays over a third of its work is supporting young people through times of difficulty. Young people may need support to address issues such as parental separation, bullying, eating disorders, social media, relationships, low self-esteem, loneliness at University and exam stress, to name just a few. The counselling they provide offers a vital safe and confidential space where the young person can talk about difficult issues without feeling judged. As a parent of a child who has been through a mental health disorder (anorexia) I know first-hand how difficult it is for both them and the family supporting them having charities like Relate are a massive help.”
Ben goes on to set himself an amazing challenge of running 9 x 100km ultra-marathons this year and in the process raising money for good causes, including RMES.
We would like to thank Ben for his support and to everyone who has donated to his fundraising page. Every £1 helps.
To help Relate and Ben go direct to Ben’s London Marathon page.
If you wish to know more about how to support young people in our local area, take a look at Our mission for 2025
RMES have started the year on a mission – to move ever closer to our goal of making counselling financially accessible to all. We also increasing our surround care – supporting the whole family and expanding our outreach on positive mental health and communication.
During the pandemic our centres and charity shops closed for a considerable length of time. Our staff speedily restructured our working processes and upskilled to deliver remote counselling. We offered free counselling to local young people and the number of bursary requests for our adult services greatly increased. Thankfully we were able to meet that need, however it has greatly impacted our bursary fund and we to be able to continue to subsidise our sessions for those in need and continue to meet Relate’s mission – to make expert information and support for healthy relationships available to everyone.
We are a financially independent local charity, covering the 4 boroughs in Mid and East Surrey. So how do we provide our bursaries? Our charity shop is a valued source of income and we are very grateful to the team of shop volunteers. We also apply for grants from charitable funds such as Children in Need, National Lottery and local councils. Support can also come from local businesses, several of whom have supported us by donating to our crowdfunding campaigns or making us their charity of the year. Individuals have supported us with fundraising ideas, such as our marathon runners or donating a percentage of sales. For every £1 donated we are truly grateful.
HOW CAN YOU HELP US ON OUR MISSION?
There are many ways you can help either with time, skills or money…
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- Donate via Crowdfunder, Just Giving or Paypal.
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- Take a look at our current Volunteer roles or contact us if you wish to donate your time/skills in a different way
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- Sign up to London Marathon My Way and take on the challenge at home
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- Nominate us as a charity of the year at your workplace
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- Donate good quality goods to our charity shop or make a purchase
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- Add Easyfundraising to your browser and raise money when shopping online at no cost to yourselves.
Relate’s mission – to make expert information and support for healthy relationships available to everyone.
As one of 26 independent federated centres, Relate Mid & East Surrey remains an independent charity with a strong local focus. We are pleased to share that, as of 1st January 2025, Family Action—a leading UK charity—has taken on the Relate brand.
We want to reassure our clients, partners, and communities that this change will not affect our services. We remain fully operational, with no disruption to appointments, and our commitment to delivering high-quality support remains as strong as ever.
This marks an exciting new chapter, and we look forward to working alongside Family Action to enhance and expand the support we offer.
Thank you for your continued support.
Family Mediation Week is an opportunity to raise awareness of family mediation and of the benefits it can bring to separating families. During the week a number of events will be running, including a series of presentations that are FREE to the general public. These sessions, listed below, cover a range of helpful topics and are accessible via Zoom. Please click on the topic to link to the booking page.
- Mon 27th 9.15am – 10.15am Family Mediation Week 2025 – launch
- Mon 27th 12 – 1pm The benefits of attending a (MIAM)
- Tues 28th 12 – 1pm Is it possible to mediate with a Narcissist?
- Weds 29th 12 – 1pm What is child-inclusive mediation?
- Thursday 30th 12 – 1pm The flexibility and power of Media
Relate Mid & East Surrey are pleased to have been offering Mediation sessions for many years as we know this is a positive option for many separating couples. Our website here (link here) gives further information on the Mediation process, including the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme and shuttle sessions. You can also read more in our article here
Meet our Mediator – Alison Chisolm, FMCA Mediator & Child-Inclusive Mediator
With a varied career spanning over two decades, Alison has a wealth of experience in mediation, counselling, and psychotherapy. Trained as an integrative counsellor and Gestalt psychotherapist, and as a Family Mediation Council Accredited and Child Inclusive family mediator, Alison has been in private practice for several years, providing these services in Surrey. Her therapeutic foundation has enabled Alison to bring a deep understanding of the human experience and the complexities of emotional well-being to her mediation work.
Alison has spent a decade as a staff counsellor and mediator for a large local authority. During this time, she honed a diverse skill set, working with individuals and teams to resolve workplace conflicts, and helping individuals experiencing a wide range of work related and personal issues.
Alison expanded her mediation focus into family mediation, training with National Family Mediation to became an accredited mediator with the Family Mediation Council (FMC) in 2014. She has worked for a number of mediation services across Surrey and Berkshire offering guidance to families navigating divorce, separation, and child arrangement matters.
Now Alison is enjoying her collaboration with the team at Relate Mid & East Surrey and is available for in-person or Zoom appointments.
Mediation: A Pathway to Resolution and Harmony
Life can be full of unexpected twists, and relationships are no exception. Whether it’s a marriage breaking down, family disputes, or the need to reassess arrangements for children, navigating these situations can be emotionally and practically challenging. Mediation offers a solution: a calm, structured, and impartial process to help individuals resolve conflicts and move forward with clarity and confidence.
What is Mediation?
Mediation is a process in which an independent, professionally trained mediator helps people resolve disputes. It’s a collaborative approach designed to find solutions that work for everyone involved. Unlike court proceedings, mediation empowers individuals to make their own decisions rather than having outcomes imposed upon them by a judge.
At its core, mediation is about fostering communication, understanding different perspectives, and finding common ground. It’s particularly helpful for families navigating separation, enabling them to address parenting arrangements, property division, financial matters, and more. Mediation is not just about resolving immediate conflicts; it’s about setting the stage for healthier interactions in the future.
The Mediation Process: How Does It Work?
- The First Step: MIAM The journey begins with a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). This is a one-on-one meeting where each party separately meets with the mediator to discuss their concerns, goals, and expectations. The mediator will explain how the process works and assess whether mediation is suitable for your circumstances. Attending a MIAM is mandatory before taking disputes to court, reflecting the preference for non-court resolutions.
- Joint Mediation Sessions If both parties agree to proceed, joint sessions are arranged. These sessions are held in a neutral, safe environment, giving everyone a chance to be heard and work towards practical solutions. The mediator’s role is to guide discussions, facilitate understanding, and help explore options. For those uncomfortable being in the same room, shuttle mediation can be arranged, where the mediator moves between separate spaces for each party.
- Child Inclusive Mediation In cases involving children, their voices can also be included through Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM). Children meet privately with the mediator to express their feelings, worries, and hopes for the future. Their input ensures that decisions take their well-being and wishes into account.
- Final Agreements Once agreements are reached, the mediator will document them in a memorandum of understanding. This document can be used to create legally binding arrangements, such as child arrangement orders or consent orders, with the help of solicitors.
Why Choose Mediation?
Mediation has a number of significant benefits:
- Cost-Effective: Mediation is typically far less expensive than court proceedings.
- Quicker Resolutions: Agreements can often be reached in just a few sessions, compared to the lengthy timelines of court cases.
- Less Stressful: Mediation focuses on collaboration, reducing conflict and emotional strain.
- Child-Focused: The process ensures that children’s interests are prioritised, fostering healthier family dynamics.
- Empowering: Individuals stay in control of the outcomes rather than leaving decisions to a judge.
How Mediation Supports Families
Mediation is particularly powerful for families experiencing separation or divorce. It provides a platform to:
- Agree on parenting arrangements, ensuring children maintain positive relationships with both parents.
- Resolve financial matters, including child maintenance, property division, and pensions.
- Reassess and adjust arrangements as circumstances change over time.
Grandparents and other relatives can also benefit from mediation to restore contact with children when relationships have become strained.
Making Mediation Accessible
At RMES, we’re committed to making mediation accessible to everyone. Our sliding fee scale ensures affordability, and the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme provides financial support for parents mediating child arrangements. We’re here to help you find solutions quickly, with most mediations completed within 2-3 months.
Looking Ahead: Family Mediation Week
Family Mediation Week, held annually in January, is an excellent opportunity to learn more about how mediation can help. This week highlights the benefits of mediation and provides resources, webinars, and information for families and professionals. Whether you’re starting the mediation process or simply exploring your options, this is a great time to take the first step. Find out more, including free seminars here: https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/family-mediation-week-2025-timetable/
Get in Touch
Mediation can be the key to unlocking a more harmonious and stable future. If you’re ready to explore this path, contact us to schedule your initial MIAM or to learn more about how we can support you. Together, we can find solutions that work for everyone involved.
]]>Our research shows over half of Brits are expecting family arguments this Christmas, with things like turning the heating on and how much to spend on gifts the main source of tension.
That’s why we’ve created this space for you.
Our Christmas Sanctuary is an online haven you can visit if things get overwhelming or if you just need to take a breath. It includes self-help articles and money advice, escapism and relaxation tools to help get you through the festive period.
Whatever you’re going through, we can relate. And we’re here for you.
Access Christmas Sanctuary resources here for topics such as:
Talking About Money in Your Relationship
Tips for Separated Parents at Christmas
How To Decide Who’s Parents To Spend Christmas With
How To Have Fewer Arguments
Drinking Too Much
Sex at Christmas
Common Christmas Arguments
Feeling Lonely
Christmas During a Cost of Living Crisis …. and more
There is also a 10 minute guided meditation with yoga teacher and speaker, Sanchia Legister to help you when feeling overwhelmed or needing space to breathe.
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This can lead to tensions, especially if conversations about differing world views, past famly conflicts or controversial current affairs come up.
Here are our tips on how to reduce drama with family and the in-laws this festive season.
Preparation is key
Head of clinical practice at Relate, Ammanda Major, explains that if you are worried about arguments coming up at Christmas it is a good idea to discuss things ahead of time and set boundaries.
Whilst it might be easier not to say anything, this can often lead to blow ups on Christmas Day which no-one wants!
Instead try to identify topics which tend to start disagreements, and agree ahead of time to avoid talking about those things.
Understand the dymanics at play
Ammanda describes how when we get together in our family dynamics, we often revert to old family roles without realising.
We fall back into our child & parent roles, and unresolved family issues might play out subconsciously.
While it’s difficult to overcome this, acknowledging this is the case and being self-aware can prevent arguments excalating before we realise it.
Consider limiting alcohol intake
Even with the best intentions, once alcohol has been consumed, things often go awol, says Ammanda. If you’re worried about family drama, you might want to consider limiting the amount of alcohol you drink at Christmas, or avoid it all together.
Remember that it is your choice whether you drink or not, even at traditionally boozy celebrations like Christmas.
Further support
If you would like to support with family or stress around the festivities you can talk to one of our trained individual, couple or family counsellors. Unsure if this is the option for you? Then chat with a counsellor via a FREE 15 min call.
Alternatively you can read one of our many articles giving information, support and advice. Click on the links below…
September represents the start of a new school year for young people and their parents and carries with it anxieties & excitements, opportunities & pressures.
Frequently it is a time of transition – first time being left at playgroup or school, moving up to a new school or entering GCSE years, moving to university or college, seeking work, leaving home or returning back to parents.
For some, attending an education setting can bring extra challenges to mental health and bring about changes in behaviour.
How do parents support their children through this journey and attend to their own needs?
We’ve put together a list of Relate articles below that may help navigate some common issues:
How To Deal With Your Child’s First Day Away
How To Cope When Your Child Leaves Home
Using Children As Part Of Your Support System
How To Tell If Your Teenager Needs Counselling
My Children Won’t Stop Fighting
Changing Behaviour – Teenagers
Setting Boundaries With Teenagers
Helping Your Teenager Find A Job
Moving Back To Live With Your Parents As An Adult
My Teen Is Talking About Ending Their Life
Caring For Your Parents & Kids At The Same Time
Supporting Your Child Explore Their Gender Identity
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Queer Relationships As A Teenager
If you feel you would like specific or further support, we offer counselling for Parents, Young People and Families which provides space to talk through issues and decide a way forward.
You can contact us via webform, phone or email – click here for further information.